She got scared. More scared than I wanted. Started yelling. I got off her right away - I swear to god, I did. I got off her. I dunno what she's telling people, but I didn't touch her other than that. I got away from her.
I wasn't really thinking. At all. I guess that's what I was doing, yeah.
It's not okay. I know it's not. But when I told her I was sorry, later, she told me it was nothing. So I didn't think... I don't know what it was.
But Sonya told Saul, and I guess Saul told Steph I'm a rapist and she's gotta stay away from me, and Steph told me to tell you, too. So I'm doing it. I'm telling you.
[sonya's hostility for him makes sense now - the reasons for his arrest were still stupid as shit, but sonya's carefully chosen words in her post make sense.
but all Lisbeth can choke out is]
You're not a rapist. What you did was fucking stupid and she has every right to hate you for it, but you're not a rapist.
[it's almost like she's repeating it more for herself than for him because she says it one more time, barely a whisper and her throat tight.]
[It's getting harder to control his own voice, breaking as he's crying.]
You don't have to see me anymore. Again. Ever. Whatever I am, it's bad. It's dangerous. And I don't think there's any fixing it, Lisbeth. I don't think I'll ever get better. I can't even tell when I'm doing wrong. And I keep doing it. I shoulda told you a long time ago. All I'm ever gonna do is hurt people. But I don't wanna hurt you.
[the idea of him hurting her has crossed her mind here and there - not physically but emotionally. she didn't want to go through that again. but the idea of leaving was equally as painful.]
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She got scared. More scared than I wanted. Started yelling. I got off her right away - I swear to god, I did. I got off her. I dunno what she's telling people, but I didn't touch her other than that. I got away from her.
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It's not okay. I know it's not. But when I told her I was sorry, later, she told me it was nothing. So I didn't think... I don't know what it was.
But Sonya told Saul, and I guess Saul told Steph I'm a rapist and she's gotta stay away from me, and Steph told me to tell you, too. So I'm doing it. I'm telling you.
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but all Lisbeth can choke out is]
You're not a rapist. What you did was fucking stupid and she has every right to hate you for it, but you're not a rapist.
[it's almost like she's repeating it more for herself than for him because she says it one more time, barely a whisper and her throat tight.]
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You don't have to see me anymore. Again. Ever. Whatever I am, it's bad. It's dangerous. And I don't think there's any fixing it, Lisbeth. I don't think I'll ever get better. I can't even tell when I'm doing wrong. And I keep doing it. I shoulda told you a long time ago. All I'm ever gonna do is hurt people. But I don't wanna hurt you.
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Do you think you're capable of hurting me?
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[But that's not really an answer, is it?]
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It hurts thinking about either.
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Give.. give me a few days. Please?
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