IC contact

[hejhej]

If you desperately need to reach me, you can email me. You can also contact me on Skype if you must. I almost always have my computer with me.

Comments

[hostagette]

So, um...

[Yeah, that's the sound of Jesse moving. To another room. The back of the house, actually, so he's out of Jane's range of hearing.]

I don't really know how to, like, say this.

[hejhej]

[oh dear. those are words she doesn't want to hear.]

What's wrong?

[hostagette]

[This all would be easier if he'd mentioned Jane before. But he hadn't. He'd just disappeared off to rehab and left it at that. He'd never even spoken about Jane, not about loving her or losing her or that she had ever even existed. Like most of the details of his life in Albuquerque, she remained a secret all this time.]

If I told you there was somebody I killed - by accident, I mean... Somebody who's here now and needs my help...

[hejhej]

[she wouldn't have cared either way if it'd been an accident or not, but she's not going to interject with that.]

What about it?

[hostagette]

Would you hate me?

[hejhej]

[without hesitation--]

No.

[hostagette]

What if she was somebody I loved? A lot.

[hejhej]

[oh.]

She's somebody from your home.

[a beat.]

I have someone similar in my home, so I understand.

[hostagette]

I don't, um... I don't know what to do.

I mean, I killed her. And she doesn't even know. She doesn't remember. So I don't wanna tell her, you know? But she shouldn't be anywhere near me. I'll end up doing it again.

But she's got no one else. And...

[hejhej]

How did she die?

[hostagette]

OD. Heroin.

[hejhej]

[she didn't press for any more details. that was enough.]

Do you want my help?

[hostagette]

I don't know. I mean, I got no right to be asking your help. This whole thing's got nothing to do with you. But she won't go to rehab, and she's still detoxing and she wants to do it here, and I just... I mean, Jesus Christ. I don't know how to say no. If she tells me to get her some stuff... I mean, I know how it's gonna get. I flushed her stuff she brought from home, but when she gets to puking and crying, I just...

I'm the wrong person for this, but I'm the only one she trusts. But I'm gonna end up killing her again. God, I know I will. She asks me for something and I just wanna give it to her. Just seeing her stash almost pushed me back into it. I mean, I just got home from rehab and now this shit...

[hejhej]

[this all rings a clear, horrible bell.]

I have no emotional attachment to her so I can do it.

You also worked too hard. Like fuck am I letting you fail.

[hostagette]

God, Lisbeth... I'm so sorry. I keep doing this shit to you.

[hejhej]

You have nothing to be sorry for. It's my decision.

[hostagette]

I got a lot to be sorry for. I'm supposed to be making your life better, not worse.

[hejhej]

My life was alot worse in Sweden than here.

[hostagette]

[He pretty much assumes she's just saying that to be kind.]

You know I love you, right?

[hejhej]

I love you too.

[or else she wouldn't be doing this.]

[hostagette]

[He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.]

She don't know about you and me. I figure I should tell her, you know, after...

[hejhej]

After she gets better. I'd prefer it that way. I don't know what she's like, but she needs to trust me.

[She didn't want to get woken up in the middle of the night by a punch to her face.]

[hostagette]

Yeah.

[Good. Lisbeth doesn't sound mad. Then again, he can't really tell.]

[hejhej]

Okay then.

[hostagette]

Okay.

[An awkward pause, and then:]

So I guess I'll see you soon.